The Subtle Different Between Coaching Up and Being a Pain the Ass
How to improve your ability to work up in the organizational chart
I’m sure many of you in organizations of every shape and size see the need and opportunity to coach up. But coaching your boss, or other leaders beyond that, can be a tricky business. Despite it being one of the most substantial areas of leverage for a change agent, it is also a grossly underdeveloped skill. The efforts I see from many are not only not moving the organization forward, they are often working against the goals. You cannot become a true change agent until you develop this capability. But do it wrong, and you’ll just be a pain, a source of frustration, and counterproductive to your own cause.
There are several gaps to close to be capable of coaching up. Here are a few that I have observed frequently. I will focus them primarily on coaching your immediate boss, but the lessons really apply to any upward coaching and influence.
1. Attitude and orientation: your boss isn’t the enemy
This is often not how we espouse our feelings, yet the observed behaviors would indicate otherwise. You’re trying to coach up. If you look at how your boss is behaving with distain, lack of respect, or worse, then those attitudes will come through in your coaching. You’re not that good of an actor to hide it.
2. Bosses have bosses
You want your boss to turn left, but his boss is telling him to turn right. Can you hold it against him? I’m sure it depends on the severity, but we have to keep in mind that bosses do have constraints – policy, direction, bosses.
And what’s more, if your boss was directed to do something against their will, they are not going to air their dirty laundry to their directs – at least not if they’re worth their salt. You may not really have the opportunity to know that their degrees of freedom have been reduced. You just need to know that this might be the case.
The more you know about your boss’s constraints, the more you can support them.
3. Care about their success more than yours
Ask yourself, why do you want your boss to do something differently…it is for their glory, or yours?
If you want to be effective in coaching up, then it has to be done with the objective of helping them be successful. If you are trying to influence their behavior, it will be much more sustainable adopted if it is connected to their own reasons and benefit. If the behavior you want to them to adopt doesn’t help them to be more successful, then you really have to question why you are doing it.
4. Engage them in the problem statement
It is much easier to get people to buy-in to a solution if they already buy-in to the problem statement. Focus your energies first on understanding a problem statement that your boss already has a commitment to. With a problem statement in hand, it is a smaller move to show them how a new behavior might help with their problem than it is to convince them of a new problem.
5. Find a surrogate
Sometimes, just sometimes, we’re not the right person to do the coaching. Maybe it’s just a personality match issue or maybe it’s some unresolved baggage. Either way, if we care about the outcome more than our ego, then sometimes we need to step aside and find someone else to do the coaching or influencing.
Nice post Jamie. I don’t you can over emphasize #3 enough. Making others successful up or down is the sign of a leader. Yes, leaders aren’t just at the top of an organization. I thinkk this point though is really centered around alignment and possibly what makes your other points work.
Nice post Jamie. I don’t you can over emphasize #3 enough. Making others successful up or down is the sign of a leader. Yes, leaders aren’t just at the top of an organization. I thinkk this point though is really centered around alignment and possibly what makes your other points work.
Nice post Jamie. I don’t you can over emphasize #3 enough. Making others successful up or down is the sign of a leader. Yes, leaders aren’t just at the top of an organization. I thinkk this point though is really centered around alignment and possibly what makes your other points work.
I’ve found that coaching up isn’t nearly as difficult as coaching latterally. As the lean driver in our company (and I wasn’t hired into that role — I somehow adopted it) it’s been a huge challenge to “coach” my peers. I know I often come across as a “pain in the ass” or “adding work to their plates” because it will always be easier to mountain jump rather than problem solve. And executing lean takes discipline. This article — and the one that mentioned coaching is developing people, not processes — really speaks to me.
If you continue the series, I would be very curious to see how you walk the line of coaching and preaching. I know its all in the delivery. On our jobsites, I see so much wasted materials, time, dollars and energy. And it’s often the same wasted materials, time, dollars and energy I see over and over again. I try very hard to motivate to improve, but I know after saying the same thing or asking the same questions repeatedly, it sinks into preaching.
Appreciate the coaching, coach!
JC
I’ve found that coaching up isn’t nearly as difficult as coaching latterally. As the lean driver in our company (and I wasn’t hired into that role — I somehow adopted it) it’s been a huge challenge to “coach” my peers. I know I often come across as a “pain in the ass” or “adding work to their plates” because it will always be easier to mountain jump rather than problem solve. And executing lean takes discipline. This article — and the one that mentioned coaching is developing people, not processes — really speaks to me.
If you continue the series, I would be very curious to see how you walk the line of coaching and preaching. I know its all in the delivery. On our jobsites, I see so much wasted materials, time, dollars and energy. And it’s often the same wasted materials, time, dollars and energy I see over and over again. I try very hard to motivate to improve, but I know after saying the same thing or asking the same questions repeatedly, it sinks into preaching.
Appreciate the coaching, coach!
JC
I’ve found that coaching up isn’t nearly as difficult as coaching latterally. As the lean driver in our company (and I wasn’t hired into that role — I somehow adopted it) it’s been a huge challenge to “coach” my peers. I know I often come across as a “pain in the ass” or “adding work to their plates” because it will always be easier to mountain jump rather than problem solve. And executing lean takes discipline. This article — and the one that mentioned coaching is developing people, not processes — really speaks to me.
If you continue the series, I would be very curious to see how you walk the line of coaching and preaching. I know its all in the delivery. On our jobsites, I see so much wasted materials, time, dollars and energy. And it’s often the same wasted materials, time, dollars and energy I see over and over again. I try very hard to motivate to improve, but I know after saying the same thing or asking the same questions repeatedly, it sinks into preaching.
Appreciate the coaching, coach!
JC
Thanks JC. That’s interesting perspective. Most people I know have trouble with coaching in both directions, but more going up. Although many people just avoid coaching up altogether.
Good thoughts on future posts, as we certainly get into those challenges in our Leading Lean teaching. The first thing I’d say though, is that there is nothing wrong with preaching. Preaching is as important as coaching. We just have to decide and know when we’re doing each.
Thanks JC. That’s interesting perspective. Most people I know have trouble with coaching in both directions, but more going up. Although many people just avoid coaching up altogether.
Good thoughts on future posts, as we certainly get into those challenges in our Leading Lean teaching. The first thing I’d say though, is that there is nothing wrong with preaching. Preaching is as important as coaching. We just have to decide and know when we’re doing each.
Thanks JC. That’s interesting perspective. Most people I know have trouble with coaching in both directions, but more going up. Although many people just avoid coaching up altogether.
Good thoughts on future posts, as we certainly get into those challenges in our Leading Lean teaching. The first thing I’d say though, is that there is nothing wrong with preaching. Preaching is as important as coaching. We just have to decide and know when we’re doing each.
Interesting reading! I have been struggling to communicate to my manager about how her interactions have been damaging the team for some time now. She seems completely unable to receive the message, even though it’s coming from more people than just me. We all want the team to succeed, but our manager just can’t seem to recognize that her behaviour is not just holding us back, but causing serious backsliding. I like what I do and want to see the organization’s goals fulfilled, but I can’t see that happening with the current atmosphere. How can I tell if it’s time to walk away?
Interesting reading! I have been struggling to communicate to my manager about how her interactions have been damaging the team for some time now. She seems completely unable to receive the message, even though it’s coming from more people than just me. We all want the team to succeed, but our manager just can’t seem to recognize that her behaviour is not just holding us back, but causing serious backsliding. I like what I do and want to see the organization’s goals fulfilled, but I can’t see that happening with the current atmosphere. How can I tell if it’s time to walk away?
Interesting reading! I have been struggling to communicate to my manager about how her interactions have been damaging the team for some time now. She seems completely unable to receive the message, even though it’s coming from more people than just me. We all want the team to succeed, but our manager just can’t seem to recognize that her behaviour is not just holding us back, but causing serious backsliding. I like what I do and want to see the organization’s goals fulfilled, but I can’t see that happening with the current atmosphere. How can I tell if it’s time to walk away?
I’m certainly not in a position to tell you when to way. However, I can offer just some of the alternatives. I’m sure some of these you’ve tried, but offer them anyway.
1. Get intervention from outside the organization
2. Go to their boss for advice or help. This isn’t tattling, but has to be done in the spirit of helping the individual.
3. Meet and work with the team to develop joint / cooperative coping mechanisms, instead of all dealing one-on-one.
It’s not an easy challenge. Of course, this is one of the leading causes of entrepreneurism. No, it’s not a dreaded disease, but bad bosses is one reason people decide to strike out on their own.
I’m certainly not in a position to tell you when to way. However, I can offer just some of the alternatives. I’m sure some of these you’ve tried, but offer them anyway.
1. Get intervention from outside the organization
2. Go to their boss for advice or help. This isn’t tattling, but has to be done in the spirit of helping the individual.
3. Meet and work with the team to develop joint / cooperative coping mechanisms, instead of all dealing one-on-one.
It’s not an easy challenge. Of course, this is one of the leading causes of entrepreneurism. No, it’s not a dreaded disease, but bad bosses is one reason people decide to strike out on their own.
I’m certainly not in a position to tell you when to way. However, I can offer just some of the alternatives. I’m sure some of these you’ve tried, but offer them anyway.
1. Get intervention from outside the organization
2. Go to their boss for advice or help. This isn’t tattling, but has to be done in the spirit of helping the individual.
3. Meet and work with the team to develop joint / cooperative coping mechanisms, instead of all dealing one-on-one.
It’s not an easy challenge. Of course, this is one of the leading causes of entrepreneurism. No, it’s not a dreaded disease, but bad bosses is one reason people decide to strike out on their own.